her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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