the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
