Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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