She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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