i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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