You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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