Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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