well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
