Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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