careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
