i just google imaged poop.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
