Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
