Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
