Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
