who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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