i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
