Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
