Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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