please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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