explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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