Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i was born a porn star she said
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
