I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
