I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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