My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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