You smell like a Billy Joel song
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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