nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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