chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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