it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
