whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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i think my cat just said my name.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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