A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
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You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
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You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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