Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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