Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
