No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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