I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
