I looked at my own cervix.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
