yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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