Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
