im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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