After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's never too late to be topless.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
