i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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