help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
