i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were trust falling into bushes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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