the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
