I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
