i barfeds in our rink
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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