he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize