haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
