Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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