I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
