I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
