i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
