hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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