im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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