Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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