i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We have started to decorate penises.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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