Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
