You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
