I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
