A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
