some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize