dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
