Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
birth control should be required to get into college
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm always down for nudity.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
