so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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