i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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