If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
