maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
