tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
