I feel great
I just peed on a car
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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