I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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