when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
