sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
