I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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