I'm so fucking centered right now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
