Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
