I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
