Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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