saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
