Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
