I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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