i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
