taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
